By Pratigya R. Khaling, World Vision Nepal communications
Parbati’s pitiful childhood was a precursor to an extremely difficult life as a woman. “My father passed away when I was very small. Three of my brothers also passed away with unknown diseases. My mother and my eldest brother worked in a coalmine with very meagre income. I had to make food, take lunch for my mother and brother in the coalmine, fetch water from far off places, cut wood, in short do every house chores including looking after my younger sister.” In Nepal, girls are often expected to take care of their house at an early age, generally at ten or eleven, however for Parbati it started much earlier than that. She started doing all the house chores when she was either five or six (that she can’t remember properly). She never went near a school. When she got a little bigger, she joined her mother in the coalmine, unloading heavy baskets of coals. She also started working in other people’s fields for extra income, or going with her mother wherever she went for work. In the course of going to other people’s field and working, Parbati met and fell in love with labourer Sanu Kancha, and they eloped when she was hardly 19. This was so appalling to her family that they stopped talking to her. Parbati was so happy with her newfound love and happiness she did not think she would mind the loss of her family. But within days, she found Sanu Kancha’s true colours. He was a chronic drinker, as was his mother with whom they lived. Both of them made Parbati’s life a living hell. Parbati was put to work at home but at the same time, she was expected to work outside and earn money. Both the son and the mother would then use the money to buy their daily dose of alcohol. Drunk Sanu Kancha would then beat and abuse Parbati, unprotected by her mother-in-law, who was always unhappy with her no matter how hard she tried. Parbati became an unpaid servant in her own home. Parbati says, “My mother-in-law was such an impossible woman. She was a widow so she was already bitter and nothing made her happy. She would sit home the whole day and start drinking from the morning. If I couldn’t make money for a day, she would sell food rations stored at home and buy alcohol. She would then come home and start scolding me for no reason. I had to many times hide the food when I went to work.” The curse of a girl child In order to carry on the family legacy, in Nepal, women are expected to produce sons. If they cannot, there are many reports of killings of newborn daughters and in some cases the mothers too. Since Parbati’s first born was a daughter, Sushmita, her mother in law started mistreating her more. Sanu Kancha would also add to it. He went out to work while Parbati looked after her child, but kept most of the money he earned. There were times when Parbati, struggling to breastfeed her daughter, went to bed with an empty stomach. Adding more suffering and grief to Parbati’s life, Parbati bore another daughter Urmila. Parbati says, “The second child was also a daughter. My mother in law started despising me totally. My husband would also listen to her and never support me. He would also blame me for the misfortune. My mother in law became too unhappy with me that day in day out, she would just scold me and curse me with foul words.” A little light of hope, Parbati’s third child was a son. Everyone at home was happy, even her mother in law. They named him Deepak – meaning light. But this happiness was short-lived. Deepak, at the age of 3, passed away. Parbati recalls, “Deepak was a very small baby. His legs and arms were really thin. He couldn’t breathe properly and all of a sudden his body became as hot as fire. We had no money to take him for treatment. When we tried to borrow money from neighbours, no one was willing to lend us any. It was very difficult for Deepak to breathe, and all of a sudden he just stopped.” The grief of Deepak’s loss was not healed properly for Parbati before she bore another child, a boy, Maila, who resembled Deepak but also passed away at the age of two. Parbati says, “Despite everything I tried, I couldn’t save him. If only we had enough money to take him for a check up! My mother in law tried her hand with all kinds of traditional healers. They also failed and told us to take him to a hospital. My husband worked more hours than ever before then and made some money but I guess it was too late. Maila also died in front of my eyes. Just a swollen leg took him away from us.” In the midst of all the chaos, Parbati’s mother-in-law also passed away from old age. Sanu Kancha’s neighbours had repeatedly told him not to beat his wife so much. With his mother no longer around to fill his ears with negative thoughts about Parbati, Sanu started to listen to them. Gradually their relationship improved and Parbati’s years of physical abuse ended. Parbati bore another son for Sanu Kancha and named him Sujan. They both took very good care of him and he is now 6 years old. Since then they have had two more daughters, Srijana, also 6, and Karuna, just 3 months. Parbati is now 35. She and her family of seven all sleep on the cold floor of a one-room house in a remote village called Dukuchapp, Lalitpur, approximately 20 km south of Kathmandu. Her husband still drinks and she still works as hard as she can to support her family. She is terrified of ill health, because until recently she has had no way to understand it or address it. Change comes too late for Parbati Parbati never intended to pass on the same life that she had lived to her daughters. But the combination of tradition, oppression and need has been too much for her to fight alone. Her eldest daughter Sushmita, now 15, has never attended school, and has started working in other people’s fields just like Parbati did. Parbati is now breastfeeding Karuna, so the responsibility for earning has once again fallen to Sanu Kancha who makes around 75 to 100 Rs a day and spends most of it before he returns home. Right now, Sushmita’s hard work is what sustains the family. Parbati says, “I have such a big family. Whatever my husband or Sushmita earns is just at least enough for eating two meals daily. We have no savings. If anyone falls sick in the family, we do not have extra money for treatment. That is how we lost our two sons. Karuna also does not drink any milk; she keeps crying the whole day.” World Vision development activities in the area are designed to help women like Parbati fill the vast gap in their knowledge and self-esteem. Parbati is learning for the first time about nutrition and basic child healthcare, knowledge that could have saved her sons’ lives. She knows how to make nutritious food, though she is concerned that they cannot afford to buy the vegetables and protein they need. Out of everything, she has been most grateful for the home visits since Karuna was born. Community volunteers regularly come to check on her and her baby’s health. They give her follow-up lessons and advice. It is one of the few times in her life she has experienced any interest in her own wellbeing. The volunteers have also talked to her about the importance of schooling, and as a result Sujan attends World Vision’s Early Childhood Development Centre. But her older daughters have missed their opportunity for education and she is not sure if she will be able to send her younger daughters either. “I am at least relieved that Sushmita is big now and can earn money for us,” says Parbati. “I had so many dreams at least for my daughters; however, I see her life going just the same as mine. My husband, even though he does not beat me anymore, he still drinks heavily and comes home, eats and sleeps. He seems to have no worries for the future.” “I do not know what will happen if Sushmita marries and goes away. I feel misery is in love with me, it never ends, it just keeps coming.” | 
